a tortuous compassion - Bria Corcuera
poetry ☆
poetry ☆
Do you still shake when you think of me? Do you retreat within yourself, feel the drop of your stomach and the ball in your throat and the burning of your face which you can’t help but cover? Lips turn impossibly down yet they stay plastered together, held together by the magnetic force of your shame. Will you say my name? Will you still wish for me to hold a gun to your head, a knife to your chest, any weapon of destruction on any part of the body so long as it kills? You hold my hand to your throat and my thumbs to your eyes and you speak curses to my name when I do not provide them power. I will not skewer you or reach inside your self to tear out the throat that you so resent. You wish for me to gouge out your sinful eyes and swallow them whole, though I do not relish the taste. I do not take pleasure in your pain, I do not moan at the thought of your blood spilled on my living room floor. I do not share your lust for the self’s destruction, nor the torture you crave to put yourself through. I will look into my own eyes and tell you the depths of my apologies, touch my own skin and thank it for holding you together whole when I did not have the strength, brush my own hair and tell you whispers of pride until we have both drowned in our own tears. I will thank you for shaking and for hating and for being afraid and I will swear to you a thousand times over that your work is done. When I carve you open, it will not be of malice. It will be with love when I split apart your skin and tie your insides in a beautiful bow. Your blood will drip down like honey and I will gather each delicious drop in a jar to savor and display. When I find my way home as I step inside your frame, I will say grace and thank you for loving me.
Bria Corcuera (they/she) is a creative born and raised in Southern California. They work in higher education providing accommodations for students with disabilities and creating community-based events for their school. Outside of campus, she can be found hanging out (typically eating) with family, making art with friends, and getting far too excited at the aquarium. An excessive overthinker, Bria has turned to writing as a means of organizing and conveying their innermost thoughts and to linocut as a meditative practice to finally quiet down their brain. Find them and their elaborate narcissistic Instagram stories @Briaacore, and on Tiktok @Briaacore whenever they finally decide to post.
