Nimiztlazohtla — Nicole SanVicente
poetry ☆
poetry ☆
I seek passage to the underworld.
No, not to Hades, the fruit I seek grows not here.
Nor A’aru, for the field I wish to lay my head is not there.
Rejected from heaven’s gate,
Told “find refuge elsewhere.”
“Jounrey to Mictlan”
I hear ancient voices whisper.
Need neither a ferry nor cloaked guide,
Only a trusty xolotl at my side.
He knows this path well, for you see,
He’s shown the way for my ancestors and now me.
Confess my sins to Tlazolteotl,
Tell her words I cannot speak.
Goddess of Lust, I wish to sink my teeth,
Drink them dry, make them wet,
See my vision is blurred.
Upstairs they think me absurd,
I follow an unholy way to paradise,
They’ve led me off course.
Filthy goddess, I fear I want worse.
My soul seeks an unearthly desire.
Pin them down on a frozen stone,
Commit a violence I have never known.
Slice them open with my blade of itztli,
Sacrifice them under the guiding light of Metzli.
Give me their tonalli, their teyolia, their ihiyotl.
Wrap their hair in hand nice and tight,
Pull it so far back, but only for me.
I do not wish for the teteoh to see,
Am I selfish, goddess?
The object of my desires,
Like huitzilin to xochitl,
Seeking nectar so sweet,
I’ve tried to lick my fingers clean.
Wipe their essence from my lips,
Banish their image from my mind.
But I am bloody and stained,
“tainted” I heard them say,
“demonio” and “corrompida”
“india peligrosa”
As my soul was turned away.
Itztli glides across my palm,
My sacrifice, my nezolitztli,
Tlazolteotl grants my soul’s notlanequiliz.
At last I may speak my native tongue.
So please, notlazohtle,
Let me swim in your lake,
Drown me.
Bathe me in your water,
Be born anew.
Allow me to bare witness to this great flood,
I beg, give me this relief.
So we night end in Tlalocan,
And at last, free my tonalli.
TRANSLATIONS:
Nimitztlazohtla - Nahuatl for "I love you"
A'Aru - Field of reeds, Egytian paradise.
Mictlan - Nahua (Aztec) Underworld
Xolotl - Dog, said to accompany dead souls on their journey through mictlan.
Tlazolteotl - Nahua goddes of lust, sex, desire, sin. Resides in Tlalocan.
Itztli - Obsidian
Metzli - Nahua goddes of the moon, also resides in Tlalocan.
Tonalli - most common word used for "soul" in nahuati, it is believed we have three total. This, the most important, is located at the top of the head.
Teyolia - another nahuatl word used for "soul". located in the heart.
Ihiyotl - another nahautl word used for "soul". located in the liver.
Huitzilin - Hummingbird
Xochitl - Flower
Demonio - Demon
Corrompida - Corrupt (feminine)
India Peligrosa - Dangerous Indian (feminine)
Nezoliztli - sacrifice, bloodletting
Notlanequiliz - My will/wish/desire
Notlazohtle - My love/beloved
Talocan - "Place of Taloc", area of the underworld ruled by Tlaloc,
the god of rain, flood and lightening. Believed that those who die by way of water rest here.
Nicole SanVicente (They/She) is a Chicana artist and creative based in the traditional lands of the Cahuilla (Coachella Valley). When giving their eyes a break from the laptop screen, they can be found mailing out whimsical nature-themed letters with their ongoing project "Letters from Ofelia" or playing Magic: The Gathering at their local card shop with friends (do you pay the 1?). You can find them @zoltar__speaks on Instagram.
